His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Randomize
