i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
