The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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