It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
