Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize