Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
