i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
