Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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