Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Is that strawberry winking at me??
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
