I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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