It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
