yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think I have vodka in my lungs
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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