how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
