He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Randomize
