I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
