so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
