You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
