I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
