So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
