Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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