A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
