whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
