How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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