i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
