I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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