is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
