im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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