Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
