I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
