no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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