my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
