Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
