There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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