Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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