So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
