I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I have aggressive nipples.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
