so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
