and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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