What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
