Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
