Dude my mom stole all your condoms
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
