Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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