Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
