You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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