she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
