well you can't waste a boner
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
