If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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