The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
