I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
