I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
