Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
