there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
