she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
