he told me I talked like a deaf person
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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