My liver just broke up with me...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
