he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize