making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
