i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
