Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
