The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Screwed.edu
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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