Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Randomize
