Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize