i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
