Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
