i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
this beer tastes like vomit already
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
