he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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