I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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